Tuesday, June 2, 2009

It's like, OMG!

Holy smokes. I'm engaged! I only just realized it. I mean, I knew it before, but now I'm back in yeshiva and... I'm not a bochur anymore, I'm a chassan. Between the two lies a vast gulf. Pretty danged crazy if you ask me.

There's a custom to make the final sheva brachos in a yeshiva. In non-Lubavitcher yeshivos it's said that this is done to show the chassan that he may have been domeh to a melech for the last week, but now he's back to being a regular guy, no better than anyone else.

In Lubavitch, we do this to show the chassan what his roots are, to demonstrate that while he might be leaving the halls of Torah he's still very much a tomim. Not for naught do mashpiim proclaim "po nikbaru", here you will be buried. The very air of Tomchei Tmimim affects a person and effects a fundamental change-as the famous saying of the Rebbe Rashab had it, anyone who eats the kashe of Tomchei Tmimim won't die without doing teshuva. The wags say that this is because the food is so bad that it kills all who eat it, and the death is so painful that it causes a person to do teshuva.

In truth, of course, this saying means that a person who went to Tomchei Tminim and imbibed its atmosphere has forever gone a soul change that no amount of subsequent degradation or filth can possibly tamper with.

There's a story told about a bochur in Tomchei Tmimim who didn't exactly live up to the high standards expected of a tomim. He was a letz and a bum. Yet when the time came and he left yeshiva to get married some bochurim escorted him to the train station and he was in tears the whole time.

Why was this? After all, this bochur had never showed any particular affinity for the yeshiva when he had been a student there. From whence came this sudden change of heart?

The answer is that he looked into his soul and he realized what he was doing, what he was getting into, and he understood all that Tomchei Tmimim stood for, and what it meant to leave it for the last time.

The Rebbe said that the time between the engagement and the chasunah is extremely precious. A person has to chap arein, to grab every last bit of spirituality he can and store that up foe the rest of his life. It's not a time for foolery and frippery, but rather one of intense preparation for the awesome (in every sense of the word) state that marriage is.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited and all, but I also realize the awesome responsibility that is coming to me. As Rabbi Mendy Schapiro (LA) told me right before my lchaim, I'm now responsible for more than myself, both physically and spiritually.

I told my friend Zalmen B. when he asked me what I was planning on doing after the chasunah. I told him that I was planning on supporting my family. He said, "Right, but I know that too. What's the difference between before you get engaged and after?" I answered, "The difference is very simple. You know you have to support a family-I have to support a family."

44 comments:

le7 said...

What inspired this outburst?

The Real Shliach said...

What inspired it? I came back to yeshiva.

le7 said...

Right, it's just such a holy outburst. Am I supposed to be acting/thinking/feeling this holy?

The Real Shliach said...

Can't hurt.

le7 said...

Right. It's hard to be super holy when you have to be super practical.

The Real Shliach said...

Where there's a will there's a way.

le7 said...

Ouch.

The Real Shliach said...

All right, so it's a bit cheesy, but it is true. And anyway, don't worry, I was talking to myself here more than anyone.

le7 said...

Anyways, speaking of holy, as I type I am downloading these lectures. http://crawlingaxe.blogspot.com/2009/06/on-love-and-marriage.html

The Real Shliach said...

That was nice of him to post those.

le7 said...

Yes.

SZB said...

i hate to intrude on this private conversation between you two doves, but i don't quire remember coming off as such a clueless dim-wit in our conversation.

in fact, iirc, it may have been the other way around,,,

resume regular programming.

Mottel said...

-LE7: Getting engaged is freaky . . . get used to it. Reality will hit one of these days (or at least for your sakes I hope it will :-) )

-TRS: You're still a bochur! Amol bochurim would learn in yeshivah until the last day - then ask reshus from honhola to go to their chupa . . . no one is expecting that from you - but don't cut yourself out of yeshivah yet.
The Freirdiker Rebbe cried when the Rebbe Rashab saw called him a ba'al habayis after his sheva brochos were over.

That being said . . . it's a real reality check - aint it? Best of luck to you!

Leo de Toot said...

Dear Mr. R.S.
I'm impressed - I guess you really are ready for this big step ...

Keep learning,

Leo d T.

sarabonne said...

So like, omagosh. Who's going to wash the dishes?

Tuvia said...

I feel like I just read your private IM conversation...

Cheerio said...

its been like that for months, tuvia.

re; the actual post. impressed. and more than a little bit moved. like the good old days.

One Minute Torah said...

And what of the idea of continuing onto Kollel....?

e said...

Did the rebbe say that the time of the engagement is "yokor mikol yakor" ("more precious than everything precious") concerning the kallah too? B'chlal, where did that expression come from?

le7 said...

No I'm sure it is.

Anonymous said...

Loved the post! very jealous of your new responsibility! And I hope that you have all the success in supporting that family :)see you in thirty minutes!

J

Yossi said...

good luck with finishing in tomchei tmimim.
once a tomim, always.

and dovber hecht says mazel tov and hi!

Altie said...

love the title, btw. Though girly expressions don't suit u...

I wont say anything, because, ot being in your situation, it doesnt really apply to me. this is something that you read, internalize, and store for future use.

Jinks on the private convo thingy. i was thinking that too, that i was intruding. funny to see u guys arguing online...

chanie said...

Altie- Nah, it's not odd to see them arguing online...

And TRS- mazal tov. Reality hit. Happens to the best of us. One day, it'll hit le7, too.

le7 said...

I hope you don't think that was some sort of a real argument. Anything that is actually private wouldn't be displayed for the collective blogosphere's eyes....

Tuvia said...

Nah I think we are all just having some fun. Don't worry, we all know that the fighting doesn't start until after the wedding. This is the happy time :)

The Real Shliach said...

SZB: huh?

LtD: yup.

Sara: it's a joint effort.

Tuvia: happens.

OMT: ain kemach ain Torah...but I'll see what I can do.

e: presumably from the rebbe, no? But honestly I have no idea.

le7: agreed.

Anon (J): We came, we learned, we conquered.

Yossi: thanks, and thanks!

Altie: archive it...

Chanie: yup.

le7: agreed. Everyone else: you should see the burn marks on my shoulders. (I'm kidding! That was a joke! Sheesh, you people are square).

Tuvia: thanks :)

le7 said...

Burn marks?

The Real Shliach said...

Irons can do that...

le7 said...

On your shirt or your skin?

The Real Shliach said...

Which is preferable?

le7 said...

Must we discuss this in public? ;-)

The Real Shliach said...

Good point. The week after sheva brachos then?

le7 said...

What are we even talking about?

The Real Shliach said...

I have no clue.

le7 said...

So week after sheva brochos huh?

The Real Shliach said...

Sounds like a plan.

le7 said...

Excellent.

menuch said...

OMG I JUST REALIZED YOU TWO ARE ENGAGED!!! THAT IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!! when my sister got engaged to a family friend that she knew ever since she was a baby (their wedding is in a day) i thought that was the coolest thing ever, but i must admit, this is pretty freaking awesome. i dont even know u guys but the fact that u kinda met on a blog is so cool and u actually got it together to go out and get married!!! mazel tov. excuse my outburst;)

The Real Shliach said...

Thanks Menuch, and mazel tov on your sister's wedding. BTW, it's not "kinda met" on a blog, it's "met". :)

le7 said...

It's "like totally OMG met" on a blog.

Cheerio said...

you guys are really funny together!

The Real Shliach said...

We try :)

menuch said...

;-)