Hello Uncle Moishe.
Hello Mr. Therapist.
What seems to be the problem Uncle Moishe?
I feel very unsatisfied with my work.
Really? You don't feel fulfilled helping little kinderlach learn their mivtzos?
After you've been doing this for long enough you realize it's all-I mean, I've been singing for these kids on stage for what, thirty years now, and every generation turns out worse than the last. What a bunch of brats.
So you mean that you've been working hard for many years and you don't see any results?
Are you kidding me? I've given my heart and soul to these little pipsqueaks, and what thanks do I get? None at all.
So you feel like no one is appreciative of all your work?
And worst of all are these "miztva men" of mine.
Why, what's wrong with them?
Have you ever seen the way they act? It's crazy. All the adults love them, because they can tell a joke or two-and who do you think wrote the jokes?
No, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm working my tail off here, and what have I gotten for it?
A sterling reputation?
Not even that. Everyone just thinks I'm an old creep.
Well, that is understandable, isn't it? I mean, older men who prance around on stage wearing silly costumes and kiddie songs for six year olds?
Am I any different than, for example, Moses?
What about Moses?
Well, he was eighty when he started leading the Jewish people, wasn't he? And I bet he looked pretty funny in his robe, and yet what do they call him?
Exactly. And what am I?
You see the difference?
Well, I'll tell you the difference. Moses is dignified and honorable. Uncle Moishe sounds like a guy who rooted for the New York Giants before they left for San Fransisco and liked sauerkraut with his hamburgers.
Do you like sauerkraut with your hamburgers?
What kind of insulting question is that? You think you're my dietician or something?
Do you have a dietician?
Of course! How else do you think I stay in such great shape?
Um, I hate to break it to you, but....
What are you saying now?
Listen, you're certainly a shape, but I'm not sure if you fit into any recognized ones.
What are you trying to say now?
OK, forget I said anything, let's move on. What else is bothering you?
Your beard is bothering you?
What exactly about your beard bothers you?
Ahh, you don't like having a white beard.
What's wrong with having a white beard?
Nothing. Except that when you're dancing around on stage like a fifteen year old it's nice to have a beard that fits the part.
So why don't you do something about it?
What do you suggest?
Sorry, that was just a joke. Why don't you dye it?
Because I'm not a faker.
What do you mean by that?
I'm not a faker. I don't lie, connive, cheat, misrepresent, etc.
Ahh. You're a truthful individual.
In that case, goodbye.