Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Lessons from a bird

Tonight there was a hakhel gathering for smicha in Morristown-here is one of the gems that was related.

There was once a bird who was sleeping (undoubtedly he had been farbrengin the night before) when the rest of his flock went down
south for the winter, and he had to go alone. He left so late that it began to snow when he was only a couple hours into his journey. He was soon caught in the blizzard, and he became trapped under the snow. A horse came over and began to go to the bathroom, and as the excrement poured over him the bird began to sing from pure joy. After all, the excrement would melt the snow and he'd be able to fly! Before the snow was gone a fox came over, saw the bird, and realized that he'd soon have a good dinner. The fox began to lick the excrement off the bird, who realized that he'd have to make a run for it-as soon as the fox had finished licking, before he had a chance to bite the bird, the bird would fly away to safety. Unfortunately though, the bird mistimed his jump for freedom, and he was eaten by the fox.

There are three lessons that can be learned from this story.

1. Not every time someone goes to the bathroom on you does he mean to do you bad.

2. Not every time someone licks you does he mean to do you good.

3. Don't sing when you're lying in excrement.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

oy

Dowy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Modeh B'Miktsas said...

I second that.

Crawling Axe said...

I heard this story in a third grade, I think. Although I must say it did not make quite the same impression on me back then. Also, it didn’t have the first two points and in general the whole bit about the fox (well, the fox just came in the end and ate the bird because it was singing).

Sounds like my rabbi’s father (not current rabbi’s), who used to tell stories like this. E.g., about Martin Buber’s Chassidic stories which he likened to trying to get a few seeds of grain that got transferred from a horse’s feeder to the place where it does its business.

e said...

Hate to sound like a chassidisher-than-thou gezhenik, but it really sounds better in Yiddish.

1. Not everyone who dreks on you means your bad.
2. Not everyone who lekks you means your good. ("Lekk" means "to lick" and "to kiss up to.")
3. Feigeleh, feigeleh, as to ligst in drek, vos zingstu? (bird, bird, when you're lying in sh*t, why are you singing?"

CA: It's really cool that Chassidisheh maiselach are also Russian maiselach. And here we thought that this vort was revealed to Shmuel Munkes directly from God...

Crawling Axe said...

Well, I went to a Chabad school in third grade, so I don’t know if it was necessarily a Russian story.

e said...

Oh! That changes everything! Silly me for thinking that Russian bulvanen could make up chassidesheh vertelach.

You went to a Chabad school in 3rd grade? In America?

Crawling Axe said...

I went to a Chabad middle school in Ukraine for eight years.

Crawling Axe said...

(And elementary, obviously.)

Crawling Axe said...

(Well, seven. We all skipped the fourth grade.)

e said...

So when were you an atheist?

Crawling Axe said...

After I started American high school. In my freshman year I was sort of agnostic, and by sophomore year, I was a full-blown atheist. Until sophomore year in college, where I switched to being a fundamentalist member of the cult.

Crawling Axe said...

Damn it. I just discovered your blog. I am not getting any work done today, am I?

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

So a litvishe yeshiva education doesn't do much more than speend the process up, does it?

Full blown atheist from freshman through half of sophmore in HS then fundamentalist member of no cult ever created.

e said...

Modeh: are you a former heretic?

sarabonne said...

This reminds me of that Pesach "chagadia" story with the goat.

Modeh B'Miktsas said...

To a degree though I was the pride of the mesivta during my atheist phase

Sebastion said...

delightful... I think...

Crawling Axe said...

To a degree though I was the pride of the mesivta during my atheist phase

You were being in open what everyone was being in disguise?

e said...

Modeh: This is very interesting! Did you return to the faith of your fathers solely through reason?

The Real Shliach said...

e: Nice new pic. I approve.

Anonymous said...

T'was one of Reb Mendel (Futerfas)'s classic stories..

Zvi said...

I heard that at a Farby. It was quoted in the name of reb Mendel Futerfas.

e said...

trs: you don't get the pic.

The Real Shliach said...

Anon+Zvi: when I tell it over next time I'll make sure to mention it.

e: I can deal with that.

e said...

Oh, you wish you were educated to get it.

The Real Shliach said...

Nu, edgumucate me.

e said...

there's something called a function, which can be graphed on a Cartesian plane. The most basic function which uses the super-cool constant e is the function "y=e^x." My profile pic is a graph of that function.

I would really like my picture to the decimal representation of e (2.71718... or whatever it is) or one of the definitions of e (like limit as x approaches infinity of (1 + 1/x)^x, but any of the definitions will do. If any of you know where I can find such a picture, I'll be eternally grateful.

le7 said...

That's really clever e! But I think you should use a picture of a definition of e using limits or derivatives...

e said...

Thank you Crawling Axe. You found exactly what I looking for!

The Real Shliach said...

e: ahh.

le7: I don't even know what that is.

e: mazel tov. Looking good.