Sunday, June 28, 2009

Say what?

How do you know when you've made it? When random people from Oklahoma stop you in the street and ask, "Hey, are you the real shliach?" Is that how you know you've made it?

Because it's happened. I was stopped on the street. A bochur from Oklahoma asked if I was TRS. I answered in the affirmative. Yay. Now I can die happy.
----
Meanwhile, in other news, I once wrote a story entitled "There was..." It's a little odd. Enjoy.

Many years ago, in a land far, far away, there was a very old man who had severe brain damage. The result of this was that he didn't recognize his children. It was all very sad. His children would visit him in the nursing home once a month, and they always made sure to bring flowers and chocolates, because who doesn't like flowers and chocolates?

Unfortunately, like many things in life, the assumptions of the man's children proved to be false, and in fact he couldn't stand flowers and chocolate. Every time he saw them he would get a pathological hatred for all things verdant and caffeinated, and once he got so angry he pulled the plug on his life support and thus life ended.

That is really only the beginning of this story, because later on all his children decided to go to group therapy in order to get over their collective grief. Their guilt was also terrible to behold, but as everyone knows guilt is good for people, so they weren't calling in the psychological people to solve that problem.

During the group therapy the question was broached as to what exactly the children could do to get over their collective grief. One of the grandchildren proposed that they separate the collective grief and make it more personal, as that would save them all a lot of money with the group therapy. The group therapist quickly pointed out that this course of action would result in the group therapist losing his current position, and probably end up with much death, and possibly dismemberment, for the group therapist's family members, many of whom relied on him for their daily bread and caviar. Another family member, this time a favored nephew, proposed that the group therapist's family members stop eating caviar, and instead eat sushi, which had the undoubted advantage of not only being tastier but also cheaper.

A fracas ensued as a troop of Russian and Japanese performance artists burst into the room and started to argue about the relative merits of their respective national foods. Most of the family members started to throw the complementary doughnuts, thoughtfully provided by the group therapist, at the Russians, because no one likes sturgeon anyway. Incredibly enough, no one was hurt.

The local Shliach walked in and said, "What in the world is going on?" Immediately everyone stopped what they were doing and began to explain. The Shliach was not very impressed with their explanations and decided to do something drastic. He turned off the lights, and bedlam instantly commenced. The editor being out of town on a Hawaiian vacation, grammar started to dissolve in on itself and whole sentences began to die. Lakewood itself, home of more giants in Torah per capita than any other township in New Jersey, and also one of the last remaining real tennis courts in the world. But that's another story for another day.

72 comments:

le7 said...

Booooo.

bonne said...

Why is there ALWAYS therapy in your stories?
Nice.

Zvi said...

Did I miss something here? what's the point?

This is NOT rated T for Toichen...

Yitzchak said...

Love it!! Rated N for narishkeit but still a great story.

C said...

You warned that it would be a little odd... but there should be a CAUTION: EXTREME STRANGENESS TO FOLLOW sign.

:D

Just like a guy said...

le7: (jump!)

Sara: good question.

Zvi: the point is that there is no point.

Modeh: at least someone appreciates genius.

C: you're sweet.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Blintzes!

e said...

YES! I remember this one from last time.

@TRS #zvi: I like.

Just like a guy said...

CA: yummy. I'm hungry.

e: I thought you would :)

Qtap said...

I am both highly amused and entertained, and saddened by this story.

On the one hand, the is the well played random factor which is always a good thing in such type stories. On the other, The idea of the man who does not recognize his family growing to loathe them and life to such a degree that he ends it disturbs me greatly, as my own grandfather does not recognize any of us.

I think you have truly shown me what it means there is good and bad in everything.

Just like a guy said...

Sheesh! I never meant to make any points or anything. But, I suppose everything is hashgacha pratis, right?

Anarchist Chossid said...

You never sad you wanted points.

Hmm, let’s see. Avoid passive voice.

Wait, is that pointers?

Just like a guy said...

Huh?

Btw, I met your friend Boruch Arky. Now he's my friend too.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Boruch is a very nice guy. Take care of him. Tell him I got new glasses. Are you guys learning Ranat/Ranaz together?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Hey, were you there with the duck?

Just like a guy said...

Likkutei Torah.

What duck?

Anarchist Chossid said...

At Rosenhaus Estate.

le7 said...

One of them was at Machon Alte.

Just like a guy said...

CA: If I had facebook I could read that link.

le7: One of what was at machon alte?

le7 said...

A Rosey.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Would not that be something?

Everything that Hashem created, He created for His glory. Facebook of all things.

Just like a guy said...

le7: after a talk with boruch, and this comment, I get it.

CA: t'would be. Once I become a campus shliach we'll see about it.

le7 said...

Do you really get it?

Just like a guy said...

You want proof or something?

le7 said...

Yeah.

Just like a guy said...

So let's see... hmm... going to the estate for swimming or basketball or something (the tiferes guys, anyway)? Yeah, I remember talking about this.

le7 said...

We never talked about that.

Just like a guy said...

Sure we did. A couple times.

le7 said...

This general subject but not that b'frat.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Did Boruch tell you about Lucy?

Just like a guy said...

le7: I beg to differ.

(ha! Now who says that men don't listen?)

CA: no? Please expound.

le7 said...

No, we really didn't.

Anarchist Chossid said...

This whole discussion started only because of Lucy. Ask Boruch. Sarabonne would like Lucy.

Just like a guy said...

le7: yes we did.

CA: no, it started because I mentioned that I had met boruch.

le7 said...

No we didn't.

Anarchist Chossid said...

It was a keili to get the conversation started about Lucy. Sof b’ma’aseh…

Just like a guy said...

le7: how much you wanna bet, white girl?

CA: Convince yourself. Nu, who is she?

le7 said...

$toaster oven?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Not she, it.

Just like a guy said...

le7: I don't make bets with pocket change.

CA: a dog?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Dude. Why would Sarabonne like a dog?

le7 said...

$new mattresses and a washing machine?

Anarchist Chossid said...

One of these.

Just like a guy said...

CA: why wouldn't she?

le7: you're on!

CA: why would she?

Anarchist Chossid said...

No, no. You should bet on one of those.

Why would someone who likes the likes of Lucy like the likes of a dog?

Qtap said...

Crawling Ax, that morphing dragon thing is awesome. If I had money, I would so get one.

Anarchist Chossid said...

You don’t think you’d get tired of it very soon?

Qtap said...

I'm easily amused.

Anarchist Chossid said...

How do you like these then?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Or these?.. (Click on one of them to read the description of what they are.)

le7 said...

I want one of those!

Qtap said...

It's like Silly Putty, but more! What's the texture like, I might just get some. Oh, the evil I could do... ...In a good way of course.

I think I will go off and explore this site a bit now. It can share a place in my favourites with other sites of awesome random amusey things.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Which ones?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Qtap, see his other stuff at the top. For instance, Mandership. (Beware: despite being able to make really cute things, the guy can be a jerk and sometimes use strong language.)

Just like a guy said...

CA: why would someone prefer דומם to חי?

Anarchist Chossid said...

Lucy is not דומם.

Just like a guy said...

Anthropomorphism aside...

Anarchist Chossid said...

Even then. What do you mean, anthropomorphism? That’s her real name. Wait, birds are not חי?

Qtap said...

I thought Lucy was a dog, now she's a bird?

Anarchist Chossid said...

She was never a dog. TRS had a fantasy that she was a dog.

Just like a guy said...

I hate to break it to you, CA, but in fact Lucy is an inanimate object.

Anarchist Chossid said...

1) Depends on your definition of “animate” and “inanimate”;
2) Depends on your definition of Lucy.

Just like a guy said...

3. I mentioned Lucy to Boruch and he had no
idea what I was talking about.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Perhaps he did not know her by that name. I can’t find a picture of them together in one shot.

Just like a guy said...

I tried describing this toy to him, but he had no clue what I was talking about.

Anarchist Chossid said...

Dude. Lucy is not a toy! It’s a duck that was swimming in the pool at the estate where all the bochurim went.

Maybe on this note we can close one of the more confusing conversations on TRS.

Just like a guy said...

Wait!! I thought Lucy was one of the toys you linked to!

Anarchist Chossid said...

Never have I indicated that. The toy was a suggestion of what you guys should bet. Why would someone name a little fluffy dragon Lucy?

Qtap said...

Why wouldn't someone name a fluffy dragon Lucy? It's a good name.

Just like a guy said...

I mentioned to boruch this duck of yours named Lucy-he had no idea what I was talking about.

Anarchist Chossid said...

OMG, they ate the duck!

Just like a guy said...

What are you going on about?